I'll be honest, I was really looking forward to Thanksgiving, until yesterday. Some of my family members arrived yesterday and I shared with them a little bit of how much I really hate school right now. Basically, I ended up being called a "quitter" which probably is the very worst thing they could have said to me right then and then I told them that I might go back to school and they said, "yeah, right!" Wow! Seriously, this happened!
In a way I'm kind of glad it did happen because it got me thinking about why it was SO hard for me to hear that. First, it made me realize that there are certain people who I automatically put my fists up when I'm around them. What I mean is that I'm always ready to defend myself because I just assume that they are going to say something extremely hurtful. This leads to me thinking that they are giving off a particular vibe that they probably aren't. It's just a vicious cycle.
Then, I was able to realize that I'm so scared because I have this idea in my head that I'm going to be an awful staffer because I don't like school. I think to myself, "if you can't handle your own problems then how are you going to handle other people's problems?"
I went to LifeGroup last night and was able to share with them all these lies I'm believing and how bad I'm hurting. It was just Susan, Steph, Michelle and myself and it was so amazing to have them there. The LG that we had last night was the type of LG that I've been craving all semester. They had awesome input and had incredibly encouraging things to say.
Toward the end of LG, Troy came to Bailey and we saw him...he waved. So, after LG ended...and my face was drenched with tears I wanted to find him. I ended up talking to him a lot about what I was going through, too. He was also very encouraging. He asked me why I wanted to go on staff and I told him it was because of how passionate I am about the mission and how excited I am always to build into other women. Also, I feel like I could use my gifts in such an effective way and that is awesome. He told me that he thought I would be a really good staffer. It meant a lot because I could tell he wasn't just saying it to make me feel better, but he was saying it because he meant it.
I'm so thankful to have people in my life that I can cry to and share my struggles with. I have this insecurity that I'm a burden to everyone...including God. It's very deep seeded and it's been an ongoing battle for me. Last night, I didn't feel like a burden to these four people. They made me feel wanted and loved and just fed truth to me. It was so good!
In a way I'm kind of glad it did happen because it got me thinking about why it was SO hard for me to hear that. First, it made me realize that there are certain people who I automatically put my fists up when I'm around them. What I mean is that I'm always ready to defend myself because I just assume that they are going to say something extremely hurtful. This leads to me thinking that they are giving off a particular vibe that they probably aren't. It's just a vicious cycle.
Then, I was able to realize that I'm so scared because I have this idea in my head that I'm going to be an awful staffer because I don't like school. I think to myself, "if you can't handle your own problems then how are you going to handle other people's problems?"
I went to LifeGroup last night and was able to share with them all these lies I'm believing and how bad I'm hurting. It was just Susan, Steph, Michelle and myself and it was so amazing to have them there. The LG that we had last night was the type of LG that I've been craving all semester. They had awesome input and had incredibly encouraging things to say.
Toward the end of LG, Troy came to Bailey and we saw him...he waved. So, after LG ended...and my face was drenched with tears I wanted to find him. I ended up talking to him a lot about what I was going through, too. He was also very encouraging. He asked me why I wanted to go on staff and I told him it was because of how passionate I am about the mission and how excited I am always to build into other women. Also, I feel like I could use my gifts in such an effective way and that is awesome. He told me that he thought I would be a really good staffer. It meant a lot because I could tell he wasn't just saying it to make me feel better, but he was saying it because he meant it.
I'm so thankful to have people in my life that I can cry to and share my struggles with. I have this insecurity that I'm a burden to everyone...including God. It's very deep seeded and it's been an ongoing battle for me. Last night, I didn't feel like a burden to these four people. They made me feel wanted and loved and just fed truth to me. It was so good!
.JPG)
I don't have a picture with Michelle in it...sadness!
No comments:
Post a Comment